6 Things I Secretly Struggle With

Heartbeats Blog by Kika

Have you noticed how pretty much every movie ends exactly the moment when the struggle is finally over? When the main character gets the boy or saves the world from exploding the end credits start rolling in. It is the struggle that we are interested in witnessing, mainly because we can all identify with it. There is something very fascinating in seeing people overcome challenges and transform in the process.

I often experience life as small movies being played out in front of me. I only get the story in bits and pieces and will have to wait until the end to know how the full story unfolded. But for now I thought I'd make a list of some of the big and small things I struggle with at this moment in my own personal movie.

1. Making new friends as an adult

I don't have any clear memories of how I made friends as a child, but I think it happened in a pretty effortless and natural manner. To be honest, the criteria for a new friend probably wasn't very high, basically if you were at the sand box at the same time and both seemed interested in making stuff out of sand you we're new BFFs. Now, as an adult that process is a bit trickier. Most people already have a pretty tight network of friends and aren't necessarily out looking for new ones. I probably wouldn't either if it wasn't for the fact that I left all my closest friends back in my hometown Helsinki when I moved to Stockholm. But, I guess it just takes a bit more time to find your tribe as an adult. If nothing else works maybe I'll just start hanging out at the sand box again.

2. Growing out my fringe

Who knew you could have such a complex relation to straws that poke out from your head? The gruesome process of growing out my fringe continues as I try to tame it with headbands, bobby pins, curling irons, wax, hairspray... and a whole lot of standing on my head in hopes that it will grow out faster that way.

3. Being confused about my career path

Yup, still confused after having had basically 29 years of people asking me what I want to be when I grow up. I mean, I decided long ago to become a dancer and then choreographer, but I just still haven't found out how exactly I'm supposed to make a living in that particular line of work.

4. Baking bread

Don't know if this really qualifies as a legitimate struggle in the sense that I'm not really actively attempting to bake bread. I would just like to bake bread. The only time I attempted it turned out stiff and bitter.

5. Worrying about the future

This is something I engage with on a regular basis. Once or twice a week I devote some time to worrying about all the fears and doubts I have about my future. While the rational side of me knows that this habit isn't helpful at all, it continues to be a thing I struggle with.

6. Hand writing

My hand writing has always looked bad and ugly, and not doing it on a regular basis certainly hasn't helped. Even though I always try to really focus on making pretty lines and getting the letters the same shape and size it all ends up looking higgledy-piggledy (yes, that's the word that popped up when I used Google translate to find another word for messy). When I scribble down something on a piece of paper most people can't read it, which, until I need to be able to start sending secret messages to myself isn't a very helpful skill.

To round off, I'll share a quote form the TV series Skam:

"Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always"

-Nooras wall in Season 2

Heartbeats Blog by KiKa

Have some of the things you struggle with changed over time?